keeping a secret...

we started on a journey almost 2 years ago, one that we happily shared with the world (read here & also this one) but things didn't quite work out the way we planned. i should have known, things do not always work out for us the first time around, ever. so, when we tried again a second time, we kept everything to ourselves. and for good reason, the second time around was a complete disaster. we thought we would give it one last try (honestly it was getting ridiculously expensive). again, we decided to keep it to ourselves. why burden anyone else with yet another disappointment. we figured if we eventually got great news, then that's when we would tell everyone. 

it was almost like deja vu, we started the same process in March, just like we did last year. after weeks of multiple injections a day, we hoped for the best. on April 17 we went in for "the harvest". i knew that by the third time around i wouldn't have much of a reserve left. surprisingly we still ended up with 15 eggs. out of those 15, 10 became embryos, but by day 5 we only had 4 healthy ones left. two of the four were not the best looking embryos, but there were two that looked absolutely fabulous! and guess what? those two just happened to be girls! so, on April 22, we took our last shot at having some equality in our house. it's hard to tell by the picture below, but that little hatching blastocyst is in excellent condition.

of course, then comes the dreaded two week wait. that time from transfer day until the day you go back for your first blood draw (aka beta hCG). it has got to be the most nerve wracking 10 days, and you can't even calm your nerves with a glass bottle of wine! after doing this 3 times, i just couldn't take it anymore. i kind of cheated (it was only 8 days past my transfer). i was standing in line at the Wally World and there it was staring me in the face...a little box containing a pregnancy test (and it was less than a dollar!). i was almost embarrassed to buy it. i don't know why, i'm a grown ass woman, but i felt strange buying a pregnancy test from the check out lane next to the gum and reader's digest. i raced home and threw it in the closet, again, i don't know why i do these things. no one was even home to hide it from. the box stayed in the closet for a couple hours before i worked up the courage to open it. i circled the bathroom a few times before i finally sat down to pee on that little stick. of course, then you have to wait again (they recommend a couple minutes, what?!). i placed that little stick on the counter and paced the bathroom again. forget waiting two minutes, in less than 20 seconds i had my answer...

i was contemplating on how long to keep this a secret, but i immediately texted The Husband. i would have called, but i knew he was at a pretty big lunch meeting and wouldn't answer anyway. i knew that picture would get a response. he said it took all he had to not scream in the middle of the restaurant. other than that, i kept my mouth shut. two days later we went in for our blood draw, and guess what? they make you wait a couple hours before calling you. so, to try and ease my mind, i ate...a lot.

right on schedule, somewhere around 1:30pm, we got the call, and once again we were in the car. this time was different, mostly because i cheated with my little Wally World purchase a few days earlier, but i was still extremely nervous. i'm not allowed to answer calls from the doctor (my husband knows all too well how much of a nervous wreck i am) so, he cheerfully answered and listened to what the doctor had to say. i knew it had to be good news, but i just didn't know how good. on a numbers scale, your beta hCG needs to be anything greater than zero. most over the counter pregnancy tests won't even detect hCG levels less than 40-50. well, my first beta was 275! of course i had to get on all the message boards to see what that meant. most of the other responses to positive betas were all less than 100, so i was pretty sure that my 275 was pretty damn high. like most tests you have to repeat them to make sure they are accurate and that the numbers are improving. two days later we tested again, and by this time they expect your hCG level to have doubled from your last test. oh, it more than doubled...797! it was this call that made us nervous. not only was the doctor super thrilled to give us this news, but he thought he would throw in that high numbers usually means twins. WHAT?! we knew going into this that having twins would always be a good possibility, but when you actually hear it...speechless. 

at this point keeping this a secret was really hard (damn near impossible), so, we caved and told the family. we had to tell someone! but just getting a positive pregnancy test isn't quite enough. it was now on to weeks of ultrasounds to make sure we actually had a growing baby. from past experience we know that just getting two pink lines doesn't always mean the kick start of a healthy pregnancy. so, for the next few weeks, we went in for multiple ultrasounds. i didn't bother posting those, because you really can't see anything other than a black circle (or in our case 2 circles). did i forget to mention that i'm still giving myself injections every night? happy happy joy joy! at 6 weeks i was finally released to my OB, where i started yet more ultrasounds. at 7 weeks we were told that one of the babies (even though it had a heartbeat) was not looking so fabulous anymore. her sister was more than twice her size and growing steadily, but Lil' Bit just wasn't keeping up. we knew from the beginning that one was smaller and in an awkward location, but we had our hopes that things would turn around and she would catch up. when we went in for our last ultrasound, (i was technically 8w6d) baby A, aka Big Momma, measured at 9w3d with a heart rate of 163! unfortunately Lil' Bit only measured at 7w3d and we could no longer find a heartbeat. as upsetting as it should have been, it was just as joyous to know that we had a very strong healthy little girl in there. we took the boys with us this time, so they could actually see what all the fuss was about. according to P-Donculous, mommy is growing a little shrimp in her belly...

introducing Little Girl McCool

aka Big Momma

*even after writing this i was still a little hesitant about posting it. i know that at this point we should be out of the woods and close to the safe zone (i don't think i could keep it a secret for 3 more weeks) as far as "announcing" our news, but it's almost like it's too good to be true. i've been sitting at my computer for an hour (not including the 3 hours i spent yesterday actually writing this) with the nervous jitters avoiding that little orange publish button at the top of the page. maybe it has something to do with the 2 cups of coffee i just finished while sitting here (don't judge, it's half-caff) but i just can't bring myself to share the news yet. well, since i only have a handful of people who actually read this, then maybe it's safe, and we'll keep a Facebook announcement for another day (or week)...

school's out for summer...

our kids didn't even hear the last bell at school this year. we pulled them out a couple days early and headed out of town quick like. our kids desperately needed a break (ok, so maybe we all needed it) from the day to day business around home. we packed up the truck and drove on to New Orleans. this has turned into a yearly thing for us. the drive home to Florida is only 12 hours, but we like to break it up and make a stop in NOLA for a night. the kids love it and it gives us a chance to explore a very interesting culture. this year we took the boys on a swamp tour, which meant a couple of hours hanging around on a very slow moving pontoon boat, but we did get to see some alligators.

i didn't do a great job of taking pictures this time around. we made it to the beach 4 days out of the 6 we were home, but never once broke out the camera. i would like to call this a successful vacation, because i'm pretty sure i only put my watch on once the entire week and i can bet that i never even wore a bra the entire time we were gone. yep, pretty good vacation. 

our last day we spent lunching with my sis and my dad at this very interesting little spot called Tucker Duke's Lunch Box (they don't have a website) in Valparaiso, FL. talk about an eclectic menu...maple bacon popcorn? pimento cheese grits? a double cheeseburger stuffed between two grilled cheese sandwiches? yes, they have all that and more, but just don't order a sweet tea, they use instant crap (why bother?). the rest of the day we spent on the boat pulling the boys on the tube. i'm pretty sure this was the first time they've ever attempted it, but they held on pretty good.

and after enjoying our nice relaxing week "off", it was time to head home...

2:12pm April 16, 2002...

10 years ago at this very moment i was trying my very hardest to push out 6 pounds and 15 ounces of pure joy out of my lady parts. looking back, there's not a moment that i haven't forgotten. i remember watching my family pace around the room anxiously awaiting the arrival of the first born grandchild. i'm not going to lie, the room was a little crowded. with me, The Husband, my mom, my mother-in-law, my nana, a very close friend, my nurse, the baby nurses, the doctor (who really only showed up 5 minutes prior to the big show), and a couple nursing students, you would think we would've been breaking a couple dozen fire codes.

luckily for me, and being my first experience with baby making, it was a fairly easy process. labor really only lasted a few hours and then there were the 2 hours of pushing, but at 2:12pm C finally made his appearance. there was a lot of oohing and awing, a little crying, and a big sigh of relief. he was healthy, happy, and bald. i can't believe they let us take him home 2 days later. we had no clue what to do once we left the hospital. we eventually figured it out, because i like to think we've molded him into somewhat of a good kid.

i've spent most of the day looking through pictures and baby books laughing at the silly outfits, bad hair, and chubby cheeks. i did very well at keeping up with his baby book (not so much with the next 2). one of the entries was a question about his name and what other names we had considered. i honestly don't even remember how we decided on his name, but some of the other candidates i had listed were: Carter, Caden, Camden, and Mason. funny, because i can't see him with any of those names now.

i hope that one day he'll know how much he has meant to us and how proud we are that he has turned out to be such a handsome well-rounded little man. and yes, i can say little, because that's what we are...little. i hope he doesn't hate us for being hard on him about turning off the lights in his room or turning his socks right side out every time he takes them off. i hope he doesn't frown upon the fact that he will probably always be the short one in the group (trust me, it's tough). i hope he appreciates his brothers and never takes them for granted. i hope he knows we love him...

Happy 10th Birthday C!

this week in sports...

here i go again...completing slacking in the upkeep of the blog. i'll keep it short, but there were a few highlights from the last week or so...

P-Donculous started off baseball season with a huge win for their first game...20-3! since it was the first game, we're going to say it was a bit of luck that they completely blew the other team away, and they only played 4 innings. in our small town baseball is kind of a big deal, so they have this huge opening ceremonies shindig where all the teams from t-ball on up to the big leagues take over the ball field. they announce all the teams and have them run the field. it's really kind of cute, but when there are over 500 kids playing baseball, it takes a long time to get all of them out on the field.

in the same weekend we also had to squeeze in a soccer game for C. his season has been going on for a while now, but i took this shot and had to post it. this is a typical play for him. he's become known for 2 things 1) being king of the slide tackle and 2) crazy headers. please take note of how high white boy has jumped and how high is hair reaches off his head. it's almost time to put a ponytail in that mop!

last week was another crazy weekend. on top of the usual soccer games i decided running a relay in the Dallas Rock-n-Roll Half Marathon would be fun. my mom flew in and ran the other half of the relay. i'll have to admit, we make a pretty good relay team. i almost feel guilty about making her run the first half, which was entirely uphill. we made excellent time and finished in 1:49:09 (it would've been a little faster if i hadn't stopped for a beer around mile 10). according to the results we ended up finishing 3rd in the lady relay division...not too shabby...