not what we expected...

it's taken me a few days to be able to sit down and actually put words together about how i feel regarding the events of last week. for those who are just reading this blindly and have no clue what i'm talking about, well, you'll need to read THIS first, and then know that IT didn't work. last week was a very long and emotionally draining one. after having to wait around for 9 days before we could find out if all of our hopes and dreams had come true, we were beyond devastated to get the dreaded phone call. The Husband answered the phone, knowing i couldn't handle any kind of bad news. he was right to take that phone call, because i might have hurled myself out of the moving car we were in. it was the white knuckle driving that gave it away, he didn't even have to say a word. i completely lost it and the tears didn't stop pouring for the next 3 days. it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and then took my lunch money. i was still contemplating jumping out of the car, but it was moving pretty fast, and walking home was not what i wanted to do either.

life is cruel and sometimes pointless, and there's no explanation to why this happened. why did it happen? everything was perfect. i've been back and forth jumping around all 5 stages of the grieving process, but to be honest, anger is definitely the biggie. even though the sadness and depression hit me every morning when i wake up, it's the anger that stays with me during the day. i think i have a right to be angry...we haven't even heard from the doctor since the phone call (hence the feeling of someone taking my lunch money).

so, now here we are, out of money and nothing to show for it but a pillow full of tears. now what? this is totally not what we expected...

2 is a magical number...

the day we had been waiting for finally arrived. we nervously drove to The Magic Fun House and waited to hear from The Wizard. but, of course, they make you sit there and wait (with no clothes on) for what feels like hours (okay, so it was maybe 10 minutes). The Wizard came in with a clipboard full of information. all i could see were tiny little pictures stapled to each page. two of the pages were separated from the rest and that's when the butterflies kicked in. she talked (in that Charlie Brown teacher kind of voice) about how many "good" ones we had and how great they all looked, but it wasn't until she said the number 2 that my eyes lit up. 2?! yes, out of all the little eggs we started with, 2 were girls!

at this point i think i started crying, but i really don't remember much of what happened after we were told we had 2. then it was time. we were all set up and ready to go for transfer. please remember at this point i had to pee so freaking bad. they make you come in with a full bladder (i guess so they can see better with the ultrasound) which is extremely painful when someone is poking and pushing around on your hoo-haw. once again, we waited patiently for The Wizards to get everything ready. and then, in a matter of seconds...it was done.

then i laid perfectly still for 30 minutes (still not able to go pee!) trying to get those little things to "stick". they finally let me up to pee, but by this time i was afraid to do anything that might let them fall out!

so, i've been home for 42 hours now and 41 of those hours have been spent laid up in the bed. i'm a greasy bored mess, but i'm not moving unless i have to...

today is THE DAY...

i'm still not sure how i feel about today, because i feel everything...excited, nervous, worried, scared, giggly...it's been a very emotional few days and now that it's come down to just waiting 2 more hours what am i doing? i'm cooking and cleaning, because that's what i do. if i'm going to be laid up in the bed for the next few days i need to make sure the boys are fed and dressed. not that i can't count on The Husband to do it, but i just need to do it.

so, here i sit, twiddling my thumbs (which i don't do very well) hoping we don't get a phone call from The Wizard at the Magic Fun House. every time the phone rings my heart jumps and my stomach turns, because i don't want to hear any bad news. i've got my fingers and toes crossed, my lucky coin in my pocket, and a slew of very supportive friends and family, so, here goes nothing....

holy hail...

last night we experienced something i have never seen before. i'm quite certain that our small town in the middle of nowhere-not-close-to-the-beach-town had the pleasure of the quickest hurricane on record. in a matter of seconds our house was shaken to the core by violent winds and  beaten down by golf ball size hail. you could see the "golf balls" swirling in circles at extremely high speeds. once we heard the glass shatter upstairs, the husband grabbed all three kiddos and rushed them into our room downstairs. and then, after about 15 minutes, it was over. but in that 15 minutes we lost two windows, the back patio lights, and who knows what else on the roof. we were lucky to have only minimal damage. the neighbors...not so lucky. the house down the street looks like a gang riot took place in his front yard, the cars that were parked in the driveway look the same, and the poor bird we found in the yard was the only casualty. 

unfortunately our insurance deductible is so ridiculously high that we'll be paying for repairs out of pocket, but i'm thankful it's just the windows that need replacing...

Blackjack...

i'm more than thrilled to announce that the Egg Hunt Extravaganza was way more than a success, even the doctor had a grin from ear to ear when he came out to make the announcement. we hit blackjack with the eggs...yes, 21 eggs! i'm like a freaking chicken or a turtle, whichever one lays more eggs i don't know. all of the little needle pricks paid off. now we have the agonizing waiting game to deal with. although, we did receive the phone call this morning about the success of those 21 eggs. we knew that just because you get 21 eggs, it doesn't mean that all of them are "good" eggs. so, out of the 21 we had 16 perfect candidates, and then out of those 16 we added the Swim Team (or as the Husband likes to call them, the Life Worms - which sounds really gross). The Swim Team did really well, and now we have 10 wonderful Chickens (our name for the embryos) that we hope make it through the weekend. like i said, the waiting game is brutal, but 10 is a good number and i'm hoping for good news on Monday morning...

sit and wait...

took another trip down to the Magic Fun House, but it looks like we'll be waiting at least a few more days for the Egg Hunt Extravaganza. those little chickens aren't ready to hatch just yet, which means i was sent home to take more needles to the gut.

if you're wondering what they were looking for, take a look at the picture below. the other day i said that normally i would produce 1 of these little do-dads, but today it looked more like this (a giant basket of eggs):

so now it's just sit and wait patiently for the little boogers to "hatch". i'm really hoping it's in the next few days, because this lady needs a margarita! until then, i thought i would settle for some chocolate eggs to satisfy my sweet tooth. and what do you know?! i get home and excitedly open the bag of pastel colored speckled eggs, and there's only ONE pink one in the entire bag! how is that possible?! i'm going to go with the notion that "all the pink eggs are still in my basket" (thanks A.V.)...