January 29, 2010

oh my aching uterus...

most everyone knows it's no secret how badly i've wanted a little girl, and considering i have 3 crazy boys already, it shouldn't be a surprise. to tell you the truth when i found out at my 14wk ultrasound that Nolan was going to be my 3rd boy, my reaction was "son of a biscuit!" (okay, so biscuit is not what i really said, but you get the idea). don't get me wrong, i love my boys like crazy, and Nolan turned out to be the most easy going lovable dude out of the bunch. but even the day after Nolan was born i knew i wasn't "done"...i could feel it in my bones. granted we did take the steps to insure that i was not going to get pregnant again on my own, because heaven help me if i ended up with 3 more boys...

so, now that Nolan is almost 2, i've seen and heard of many friends having babies, all of which are girls! just yesterday my friend Michelle had a little girl and oh how my mind and uterus were aching. i'm beginning to wonder if it's just not in the cards for me to have my own little girl. yes, there are "ways" i can go about having a girl, but at this point those options just are not affordable. first of all i don't think i should have to "pay" to have a child, when i know how easy and free it is suppose to be, and second, we can't afford to pay for one anyway. we've looked into our options, but i'm not getting any younger, and something better happen soon or i might lose my mind (already half way there on that one).
i've tried keeping myself busy trying to pretty much ignore my aching uterus, but every time someone announces, "It's A Girl!", i cringe just a little because i'm reminded that i will never get to say that. yeah yeah you can feel sorry for me, but it doesn't help...ignoring it is much better, but ignoring it obviously doesn't make it go away.
now on to the other point of this post...yes, i said i try to find things to keep me busy, like going to the gym, cooking, cleaning (like a madwomen), but there's only so much of that i can do. well, my friend Jessica has found something to keep me occupied for at least the next 5 months (2 others, Jen and Ana, are also going to be making the journey with us- girls trip - HOLLA!). it worked 3 years ago, and funny enough i ended up getting pregnant right after...i'm training for another marathon. this time around (still with Team in Training - because they're awesome) i'm seriously considering trying the full on, whole shebang marathon. yes, that's 26.2 miles, but hey, why not?! so, if anyone wants to help encourage me...i'll take all that i can get...it will help me keep my mind off other things....

2 comments:

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

holy friggin NUTS woman! if anyone can run a full-on marathon, it's you. i'll cheer you on from my lay-z-boy as my ass cheeks spread wider.

as for the girl deal, all i ever wanted was a girl. i got my 2, and now, i'm deathly afraid of having teenage girls. cause, you know, we WERE teenage girls.

consider yourself blessed to have 3 boys and you only have to worry about 3 peens. i have to worry about all the other peens out there. blech.

we're SO hoping our girls are gay.

Lori said...

My mom wanted a sister and never had one. I wanted a sister and never had one. My daughter wants a sister... and I keep trying, but it hasn't worked out yet. I understand your feelings. I hope you get a girl next time!